This is all i want to do..

....all i want to do is scream and shout and let everything out, but i can't because i'm trapped with my thoughts constantly  when i'm awake, when i daydream, when i'm in lessons i am reminded, and even when i sleep, this should be a positive thing. However right now i'm really not in the mood. I'm like this because i have these phases, or stages if you will of my mood habits, especially for certain circumstances; stress, sorrow, and perhaps even happiness. I really take a disliking to certain things, i become very VERY picky about what i like to see and do (by the by i have little OCD habits so when in these rages of perfectionist fits i like things to be a certain way otherwise it'll bug me forever.)
       So in my miserable moods it can go something like this; i wake up in a daze, my feet shuffle against the cream carpets as i journey to the bathroom to find that when i look into my reflection that i look as bad as i feel. Purple lids, red wrought eyes and a face like a zombie. I weep inside as i feel my heart and lungs shrinking with each short exasperated breath i take. When two things go wrong at once i feel the world collapse on me and i silently cry out for help to save me from my troubles. And i feel like the worst person in the world.
A bundle of laughs i'm sure, but from my point of view it's far from positive in these times, but don't worry it's not always like this, when i'm with other company i wear myself bravely as if nothing's wrong not for my benefit but for my friends, my family, to make them happy, my exterior and interior is built to make others smile, not to make me smile.